“Attention is the beginning of Devotion”

- Mary Oliver

“True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.”

- Henry Miller

Tony has been in service to me for two(ish) years and I am so, so grateful that our paths crossed. When we started together, I needed help running my dungeon but had never personally played with or owned someone who’s kink was submission through service. I didn’t understand it, so I had stayed away from it, both in my choice of personal play partners and in my profession. Tony happens to be an extremely laid back person who also loves to introspect about BDSM and kink and our connection, which made for a relatively swift and fun learning curve on my end.

I write the following out of deep gratitude for Tony.

One. He helps me do the thing.

I’m really into organization and love to write ‘to do lists’. I love checking things off the list, they help me compartmentalize my day and the activities I need to do, and importantly, they’re an externalization of my memory. But on occasion something stays on the list for 6 months, or even a year, and that’s when I lean on Tony to motivate me to get that thing done. I’ll make a request that either he complete the task or that we do it together. Tony helping me with something on my list = huge appreciation on my part.

Two. He puts my needs over his.

Before meeting him I was not interested in connecting with a service submissive because I thought it seemed like a lot of extra work; I could just do what I needed done without the added (and often complicated) emotional, affective, and physical labour involved in a ”needy sub”. Yes I had some pre-concieved notions, but being a professional dominatrix with an online presence unfortunately means that men posing as submissives will contact me asking to be my “slave”. However I did need support and I did see a window of opportunity to connect and grow with an authentic and hard working submissive.

When I send him his tasks, Tony completes them in a way that prioritizes my needs over his and importantly, without centering himself in our interactions.

Three. He thinks about ways to make me happy.

Lastly, Tony receives joy from hearing my laugh and knowing that when he leaves, I will be just that much better off than I was without him. He’s not being cocky, just helpful and sweet. Whether it’s driving around the city searching for as yet untasted local, artisanal chocolate or ordering us matching “Team Miss Violet” T-shirts, or arriving with his credit card hanging from his neck and proffered to me, he finds creative ways to surprise and please me beyond his required chores. He is thoughtful.

He pays attention, and this is devotion.